our insecurities & doubt cloud our best qualities. we tend to focus on the negative too much. is that societies doing is it our own? when you look into the mirror you see yourself in hi def. you know your flaws, you know your past, the people you’ve forgiven or haven’t, those that you have fell in love with or waiting to fall for, you know your heart & it’s guide to happiness. we should be taught early on that self love is our first love. it’s as simple as that. it would teach many confidence, to be fearless & to love yourself despite of any obstacle that may get in the way. i understand that we all grow up in different households & we’re taught different things but i really wish the one thing everyone was taught was self love - it would really change the way many crave for it from others who don’t even deserve it.

what’s bound to happen is that i’m going to fall for someone that’s completely out of my reach. they are going to fall for me too. we are going to continue to fall without noticing that maybe we should give love a real chance. what we will notice is the sincerity between our connection without connecting the dots. in fact our lives will be very in sync with each others but we’ll never fully cross paths. i think about getting older & falling in love with someone else. i think about how my journal entries will be written about person i once was in love with & not the person that i’ve grown to love over the years. tell me, how does one get over the person they never had a chance to love..

there’s an emptiness that’s greatly felt. an emptiness that makes me wonder if it truly resides in the heart or mind - maybe both. i think it’s a mental note that’s imprinted on the cells of the brain that makes you believe something or someone is missing when in reality no one is there to begin with. you scatter your wants & needs like little floating butterflies that you hope connect the dots but they don’t. you cry when no one is around & smile when in a room full of strangers. you often wonder if someone feels the same as you. the loneliness speaks volumes. to you i say love is there, within you. love that you have to introduce to every part of you before it can be introduced to anyone else. that alone takes time. give yourself time to find out who you are, what you like and what you truly want. sometimes it’s finding yourself that’s the greatest reward.

i’m not sitting around waiting to fall in love but i do question if i’ll ever experience love that deep. despite me knowing that i’m capable of loving, i often see me being alone. maybe i should settle for one night stands & temporary situations that don’t really consist of love but good for comfort. bleh. females that i’m attracted to in many ways aren’t worth me getting attached to as they are dreaming / hoping for their own version of love. idk. i’m just really over it at this very moment. heavy in my thoughts. my brains the culprit.

love isn’t what you expect it to be. it’s not always so obvious. it doesn’t come wrapped in gift wrap with a bow & a little thank you note. sometimes it comes in a worn box with no wrapping at all. maybe it even comes as a gift you never expected to want at all. the kind of thing that you place on a shelf for a while then come back to it. you find value for it, learn its worth & watch it blossom. sometimes it takes a few more gifts until you realize that you already had what you want / need in the palm of your hand the whole entire time. we deny ourselves of that every time we say it can’t be or that it shouldn’t.

the truth is if we closed our eyes and solely loved with our hearts we wouldn’t really know the difference. we are so distracted by physical attributes that we forget why we love in the first place. to me the physical is a plus that’s given to us, a plus that many see & view as love which is why it’s also a curse. blind men can see big asses to appreciate them, deaf women can’t hear the tone of a man’s voice & know that she will be turned on by that. all they know is your sincerity. all you have is you, to give. none of us will ever be perfect but we can be apart of love. we all have a choice to love unconditionally but that’s totally up to each individual to do so. let’s all love a little more.