i’ve come to the conclusion that blurred lines is in my head for longer than i anticipated. i’m blaming the video. i watch that video far too much. more than i’m willing to admit & to be honest i watch it mainly for t.i.’s old man moves lol. oh & for that one model because she’s so gorgeous.
sidenote : sanaa lathan needs to visit me in my dreams. i’ve always loved how bad ass she is in films. she’s beautiful & her eyes just make me wanna gaze all night. ugh. my infatuation for her never left. it’s just been on hiatus.
i remember being thirteen and being so in love with the film love & basketball. i believe i had more than a slight infatuation for both sanaa lathan & omar epps separately. i literally would watch that movie about 3 times a day everyday for months. i have not been able to watch that movie in years. i’d probably cringe at how crazy i was at that age. my teen years were very awkward. i don’t even wanna remember lol. you made a fool of me by meshell ndegeocello was the soundtrack to my life back then. that was one of my go to films for sure.
i’ve always been a flirt & probably will always be that. it’s healthy for me find a reason to acknowledge a strangers beauty, confidence, style or whatever they may have going for them. it doesn’t mean i want to get to know them, their life or have sex. it just means that in that very moment they’re appreciated. i have an appreciation for all not walks of life. i have no affectionate skills but most of the time i find something clever or witty to say & i can usually walk away from a situation feeling better about myself. sometimes you gotta flirt to make it work which is something i’m pretty good at doing.
i don’t have this huge ego. i don’t have this arrogance about me but i am pretty confident. that didn’t happen overnight. it took a great deal of time to find small parts of myself. that wasn’t easy & it still isn’t most of the time. people see me & see more than i see which to me is a good thing. it gives me perspective & an idea as to how i may appear to be strangers. to me i’m just myself. a struggling artist trying to survive the best way i can. some days are better than others & other days are shit. i’m no different than the next.
one of my favorite songs. it represents my whole life at this very moment.
in my mind i have a bunch of cluttered ideas. things i wanna do, collect, see and blah blah blah. yet i can never form none of these visuals onto paper or in an actual savable form before it’s too late. i hate my brain. it turns on when it wants & shuts down before i can grasp the info i’m receiving. what’s life?
i’m sitting here trying to come up with ideas for a music video. i seriously want to put together some visuals for delight - listen if you haven’t & let me know if visuals are a good idea or not. thanks!
i am kinda sorta in love with kat dahlia. she is beautiful & her music is so damn raw. i have yet to listen anything else besides gangsta - but i’ll be listening later for sure. one thing about her is that she seems mad chill. i caught an interview & her vibe was so opposite of what others deliver. i dug that a lot. i swear that song has been embedded in my brain yo.
i’m truly content with this music that i’m going to be releasing. it makes me smile to know that i will be releasing a real body of work this time around. i’m not making excuses & i’m not going to doubt. the one issue that i have is for some reason the right side of gums - upper & lower have swelled up and it’s a real pain in the ass which means that by the time i wake up i’m not even going to be in the mood to record. i’m bout to down some pain pills & call it a morning. i’m kinda scared of this seeping pain i’m feeling.