have you ever just sat and listened to marvin gaye and said to yourself he was so talented because i have on numerous occasions. though he isn’t alive i feel his spirit each time i press play. i couldn’t even tell you what my favorite album is because they’re all perfect in their own right but if i really had to choose i’d say trouble man. it’s the first album that i actually listened to in full & thought to myself - why am i just listening to him? marvin’s vocals sit on tracks like butter on toast point blank. get into him.
my goals are the same as last year & will be the same goals until i’ve achieved, accomplished & mastered them. i want to be successful, travel parts of the world, meet like minded people & let my art earn me income. i want to be an entrepreneur & i want to get out of Virginia as soon as possible. moving requires planning & saving - neither of which i’ve actually thought about in depth but i am about to start thinking that way. i don’t even have a location in mind but i’m gonna work on that as well.
my focus is my music, photography, filmmaking & building solid connections with people - all of which i have to seriously work on. my passion is with my music but i’m also a behind the scenes type of person so i’m working on getting comfortable with public speaking, performing & letting myself be less me & more an artist. with my photography i want to actually start shooting seriously & not the gimmicky photos i’ve shot in the past. filmmaking is not a prior as much as the others but i would love to understand the process in detail. those are just some of my crafts that i’m trying to currently master.
i’m so hard on myself to a degree that i don’t let my failures be exactly that - a failure because i tend to give the negative parts more focus than the good that i have done over the years & that’s about to change. i want to live a more productive life than what i’m currently living. i want to focus on my health, having a routine & putting myself first. i tend to view these as me being selfish but that’s far from the truth. there is a toxic waste that i am ready to dump elsewhere. my mind, body & soul will no longer harbor that type of negativity. i want to bask in positive vibes.
it’s rare that i wear plaid but i’m thinking about adding a few more plaid features to my collection of clothes. i’m more so big on wearing basketball shorts, sweatpants, cut up tees & beaters …yeah it’s time for a change.
there are so many kind things i could say about this woman right here. she gave me and my four siblings life. she’s held it down since day one & has this wisdom along with intelligence that makes me say over & over again that i am happy to have her as my mom. sure she isn’t perfect but in my heart & soul she deserves the entire world. i want to give her more than money could ever buy. i just want my mom to know how much i truly love, respect & honor her.
i am the infamous vainsmith or maybe i should just say vain. either way this is who i am. an awkward individual that loves to take self portraits because being in front of the lens and controlling it from behind makes me feel compelled to be creative at all times. i basically just want full credit of what i do at all times.
i did a mini photo shoot with my sister Tamika Stewart a few days ago & these are just a few of the photos that were taken. i’m almost sure that kimono & those shoes are from forever 21 but i could be wrong. this shoot was only supposed to be a test of some new lighting equipment i’d got prior but i was actually able to get some really good photos in the process.
i came across these beautiful women about a year or so ago and i’ve got to say it was love at first sight. i’d been in need of positivity & hope as an individual that struggles with identity, self worth, acceptance and so fourth. i’d been watching videos on youtube about love, equality, and just gawking at the married gay and lesbian couples. i believe i wanted to cry when i came across gail marquis and audrey smaltz. to know that their love union came together well after they were established and pretty much by the grace of god gives me a depth of hope and confidence within myself. these women are the love story of my life.
we are selfish beings to think that our lives lived are only for us. we have knowledge, we have wisdom & most importantly we are givers. we aren’t here to gain all the time. it’s a larger picture than that. we have these hearts, emotions & feelings that we want to harbor and protect for life without realizing that we have these things to ultimately give to the next. love is a beautiful thing & nothing can taint that but our very thoughts. with that being said we are also providers, craftsman, educators, mentors, advocates and leaders. what we put into the universe matters.
i’ve struggled long & hard with where i stand in this world. i am that one percent that wants to make a huge impact in such a small way. i want to contribute and give, give, give until my heart hurts. my struggle lies within having confidence and an understanding as to what self worth really means to me. i drive my self to over stress things that are rather simple. i’m working on creating my foundations and ordering my steps. though i’ve been down this particular road before i am certain that i am more ready for this etched path than i was in the past. i’m just striving to plant seeds of positivity every step of the way. peace and love!
so i basically stumbled across this beautiful being one night while trying to get some tips for video editing. after going through what seemed like hundreds of videos i stumbled across hers. i’m always amazed by the timing of how things come about. it’s when you least expect to find a reason for a light to be sparked - it happens. just thought i’d share this particular video because it’s one of those videos that grabbed my attention. i love the whole be shameless moto. life goal : meet shameless maya :)
i discovered jazz music on my own beings though it wasn’t a genre that was played in my household. it’s the most enjoyable genre of music i have ever listened to. i’ve got to say that if it wasn’t for the cosby show my love for this beautiful genre wouldn’t be what it is today. when i really got into musicians and albums miles davis was the first one i came across. his name & face have always been familiar to me throughout the years but now it’s deeper than that. this man was talented. i suggest you just youtube to him and allow yourself to fall in love with some timeless sounds. do yourself that favor.
there was once upon a time when i had no idea how amazing black and white films were. i was very ignorant to the fact that they are actually really amazing but i am happy to have watched a few of them in my time. i intend to really get into them when i find some time. lauren bacall is absolutely everything. i’d travel back in time for her. i’m not sure what i love more her smile, that voice, her beauty or her presence. they all make her unique in my book so i’ll just say she’s amazing & to know that she’s alive in this universe makes me want to find her and let her know how much i appreciate her existence.
when i first saw the previews for 12 years a slave i wasn’t too sold on actually wanting to see it but it was lupita nyongo’s character that kept me curious enough to want to see what it was about & surely after watching i wanted to know who she was. i wasn’t sure how she would be accepted & for sure never expected her to be known so soon & so widely. none the less she deserves her shine. she deserves to be recognized in her essence. lupita to me is an inspiration for people & indeed a woman with not only skills but intelligence. of course her beauty alone as been capturing the eyes of everyone but there’s truly something even more special rooted in her. i love an individual that can stand out in a crowd without even doing the most.
when it comes to excuses i’ve made more than my share. i will find reason upon reason to get out of doing something or taking the back road when it comes to pushing myself. i reflected on that for a bit last week & became utterly disgusted with myself. i look at those who have put themselves in a position to be a success story & then i look at myself and wonder will i ever get myself out of this deep whole i’ve dug for myself. excuses are lame point blank. they are made by those who are not willing to go forward without looking backwards. excuses are made by those who fear something good will happen if only they applied themselves & yes these reflections are reflected by my very own life. i have good things happening & all i can think about is wanting to set a pace - well.. sometimes LIFE isn’t about a set pace. sometimes it’s about being daring & understanding that there’s only this shot right now. i’m just really writing this post as a reminder to myself that there are no excuses only opportunities if i am willing to grab them with my might.
i’ve accepted that with change things come to an end. sometimes those endings are bittersweet and sometimes i don’t wanna let go, and i don’t. what happens next is i end up with knots in my stomach from the ultimate bad choice i chose to make after knowing why i initially needed for things to end. i’m stuck in a place i no longer want to be stuck in for various reasons like 1. it’s toxic, 2. it’s not about me and more so about them 3. i find myself stuck in a war that i’ve created on my own with someone who doesn’t even care to notice & 4. it’s just time. it’s time for me to see the light & understand that things must come to an end and as much as i hate to be the barrier of those endings they must happen. friendships, family dynamics & even self infliction can be far more time consuming than i’d like for them to be. i’m taking a few steps back to breathe, exhale & see beauty in nature. there’s so much to be happy about. forget the rest.